So many people have asked me lately what I think should be
done about violence in schools, and I assume they expect me to be able to give
a very simple answer, like “teachers should carry guns, hire more security,”
etc. (by the way, I disagree with both of those statements, just giving an
example.) I believe people ask me so
often because I am a second grade teacher, not because of my brilliance,
amazing ideas, or my amazing way with words, but I’m going to give it a shot. Note: this might become a rather long
rant. If you choose to continue, go to
the bathroom, and grab some popcorn.
I should also let you know that these opinions are solely
mine, and have no reflection on my employer.
I do not think that guns should be in schools. Period.
I am not anti-gun, in fact I am the opposite. I like to shoot off guns, and wish I had the
chance to do it more often. I enjoy
shooting cardboard targets, clay pigeons, and I imagine that I would truly love
to shoot as many video gaming systems as I could. In no way, shape or form would I carry a gun
while teaching. If it ever comes to
that, I’ll leave the profession.
Parents are every child’s first teacher. Parenting is leading both by example and by
effort. Kids learn so many things just
by watching their parents, including habits, morals, work ethic, and priorities. Kids watch and absorb so much of what you do
when you don’t see them looking or listening.
I know that you get exhausted. I
know you need a break from your kiddos. I know that they are overwhelming, and
sometimes maddening, and that you need some time away from them. However, when you need a break from them,
from the noise, the questions, the fighting, the tattling, don’t send them to
the electronic babysitter (aka the video game system) for unlimited amounts of
time. If you choose to allow a gaming system into
your home (which is your choice by the way, you don’t HAVE to have one) use it
as a reward for positive behavior. Use
it as a parenting tool that kids can enjoy when they have met all of their
expectations in school and at home. And
join them when they are playing. Don’t
allow them to play inappropriate games that involve stealing cars, blowing up
buildings, and shooting people. Set a
timer, and give them a 3 or 5 minute warning so they know when they need to put
the game away. If they get bent out of
shape because they “die” in the game or lose the game, revoke their privileges
for a few days and have discussions with them about their emotions, and talk
about strategies to deal with their frustration.
There are so many better things you can do to take a break
from the craziness surrounding your kiddos.
Instead of having unlimited video game time, have a timed “reading
extravaganza” in your living room. Let
them stretch out and read a book while you do the same. And read.
If your child is too young to read, read to them, or let them pretend
they are reading while you actually read your own book. If they disturb you while you are reading,
let them know how many minutes are left, and continue on. Do an exercise video together. This is a fantastic way to squeeze in some
physical activity, and to relieve stress, and teach your son or daughter to do the
same. Here in Minnesota, there are times
that it’s too cold to get outside and play, and a quick work out viddy is a
perfect way to get that blood flowing.
When you are taking car rides, don’t immediately give them a
video game, your cell phone, or a movie to watch. Talk about what you did when you were their
age. Tell them how school was different,
and what activities and games you enjoyed.
I can almost guarantee if you tell them how much fun you had playing “Clue”
they will be SO eager to play it with you.
Quiz them on their math facts, practice counting, practice spelling
things out. Do some role playing
activities to teach them good responses to different situations. Kiddos are like little sponges, and want to
soak up so much information. You just
have to give it to them.
Play games with them.
Play board games, outdoor games, make believe games, and puzzles. Your child will remember these things. They will have very vivid memories of them,
and will pass these things along to their children. It would be so much fun to tell your own
child “In 4th grade, my dad and I worked on a puzzle of an airplane
for 3 weeks almost every night.” Not as
much fun would be “I played a video game every night by myself.”
As parents, we make sacrifices. Kids learn priorities when they see the
sacrifices you make every day. Don’t put
them on the couch in front of the tv for two hours a night so you can talk to
your best friend on the phone or lurk on facebook. Spend time with your child. Your life will not be affected much by
knowing what everybody is up to, but your child’s life may be affected by
seeing that they are in the way of your social life. I know I am going to get in some hot water
for this, but show them some financial responsibility. Don’t have money to put your son in little
league? Then don’t buy three Coach
purses. If you can’t afford to feed your
child, and get assistance from WIC, then don’t get your nails done, don’t go
tanning, and don’t buy cigarettes. If
you do, you are teaching your child, your own flesh and blood that feeding
them, giving them the physical nutrition they need, is less important to you
than looking pretty, and pampering yourself.
If you can’t insure your child, don’t go on extravagant vacations. People feel so incredibly entitled to lavish
things these days, and I am not really sure why. People say “I have worked hard, I deserve to
have a new pair of LV boots.”
Really? How hard have you really worked? Do you deserve the boots more than your child
deserves to take swimming lessons? You
have to show your children by example what it means to be a contributing member
of society if you expect them to become contributing members of society.
If your kid’s teacher calls home with concerns, listen to
them. Choose to agree or disagree, but
hear them. If your child has done
something awful at school, give them a consequence at home, even if one was
already given at school.
Don’t name call other people if you expect them not to name
call. Don’t gossip if you expect them to
be drama free. Choose what behaviors you
think are consequence worthy, and give them consequences. This is different for everybody. Honestly, if my own kids choose to use swear
words as a coping mechanism for dealing with pain or frustration, I will not punish
them. However, if they make fun of other
children, or try to hurt someone’s feelings… They are going to have several,
awful days to think about making better choices. If I ever see or hear my child making fun of
a person with special needs, I will whip her ass, followed by several, awful
days to think about making better choices.
Tell your child you love them. Tell them every day, even when you may not
like them very much. When they are
feeling left out because they weren’t invited to a party, have a party for your
family at home in his or her honor. When
your daughter is 13 and convinced that she is obese, tell her how beautiful,
inside and out, she is, and how happy and proud you are to be her parent. Let your children know, that in this world,
the one certainty you have, is that you will love them forever. Remind them throughout their lives, that they
are good, they are loved, and they are important.
I know some will criticize me, and remind me that it’s not
fair to make judgments as I have lived a fairly privileged lifestyle myself,
and because my daughter is only 5 weeks old, and you are right. You are.
My parents worked very hard their entire lives, not so they could go
tanning and buy nice things, but so that they could provide a better life for
their children than had. And we were absolutely
given opportunities. Although I have
never been to Disneyland or Disneyworld, I was in as many extracurricular
activities as I chose, skied every winter, and vacationed for about 5 days each
summer with my parents and siblings. I
know that not every family can financially offer what I was offered. However, my parents bought us all clothes
from clearance racks and garage sales, clipped coupons, and went without many
things they would have enjoyed, just so that we could have opportunities. I had a college savings account, but never my
“own” car growing up. In fact, the first
car I was able to drive was older than me.
We never had luxuries like cable tv, and my mom hung a lot of our
clothes on the line to save money and energy.
When something broke, they fixed it, instead of buying a new one. Because of my upbringing, I will not
sacrifice my daughter’s college fund so that she can wear the trendiest clothes
all of the time. Maybe once in a while
though- I do admit to having a slight vain bone in my body… however, I will
never spend beyond our means, and will chose wisely with her. I probably don’t have as much parenting
experience as you do, but I have worked with kids for over 13 years. I have 30 second graders in my class, and I
know how exhausting kids can be. I also
know how imaginative, how amazing, and how wonderful children are. I know that every child is a blessing, every
single child, regardless of their abilities and any special needs they may
have.
Finally, I know you might think I got WAY off topic here
with the “violence in schools” subject that I introduced at the very beginning
of this rant. But, here’s the thing: if
all parents treated their children like this, I firmly believe that there would
not be nearly as much violence in schools.
Kids would feel loved, feel secure, and there would be so much less
anger and hate in their minds. I know
that mental illness is very, very real, and is often a cause of school
violence. If your child is showing signs
of mental illness, then you should ask for help immediately. If you aren’t sure who to ask, start with
your family doctor. Find a mental health
professional, and let your child know that they need to talk with this person
to help them. Do NOT use this as a punishment
or consequence, (I can’t tell you how many times I have heard parents tell
their child “You better shape up or I’m taking you to Generose”) but out of
love. Tell them you love them, and you
care about them so much, and you are never going to stop loving them. Show them you enjoy them, simply by spending time
with them. Your time is a much greater
gift than anything you can buy your child.
Now that I have finished my rant, which I know will come
across much more like advice than I intended it to, feel free to totally
ignore, pass along, or print and burn this.
I know I am opinionated to a fault when it comes to children, and I apologize
if I have hurt anyone’s feelings. I hope
you take this at face value as I am not a human behavior expert. I am just a person, just a mom, hoping that
my daughter and future children can one day go to school without fear. I hope that one day we can turn on the news
and not cry because of the sadness and cruelties in the world. Lastly, I hope that one day we can give our children
better than we had.
